Adult survivors of childhood abandonment and complex trauma abound in our society. Theirs is a sad reality shrouded in the darkness of shame that keeps their experience locked away only to be known by their volcanic overreactions or quiet avoidance that are triggered by present-day cues. They are our sisters, fathers, spouses, etc. They live fenced in by crippling fear and loss of identity stolen at such a young age. They’ve developed and matured as we all do, driven by survival and attachment, the same instincts they came into the world with, the same instincts that gave them a fighting chance at survival. However, the other component necessary for reaching potential, the social environment, was not favorable. It seemed as if this third ingredient almost wanted their destruction from the very beginning as if they were not meant to be alive in the first place. This environment, or soil, if you will, would go on to nurture beliefs deep in the psyche of the individual. These beliefs would become infused with the person’s sense of self, and so they would live out those beliefs as if they had to. They would live out those beliefs in ever reinforcing and destructive consequences. Those consequences reinforce a dark world view and a sense of self-value that is worthless. They live in a reality that holds no possibility for hope. Each day they walk past choice and opportunity only to choose what is familiar.
Read the rest of this superb article here. There’s a surprisingly positive twist!
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life” – Confucius
Ever gone on a date you weren’t excited about to discover, well, it was a waste of time?
Ever sent in multiple job applications or done an interview somewhat half-heartedly to discover, shock horror, you weren’t successful?
Or maybe you’re struggling to excel in your current role (or even get through the day..) because your heart’s just not in it?
I always say there are multiple parallels between love and careers. If you’re not excited, it’s not the right one! What happens when we settle on a half-hearted love? Yup, it ends in tears. Careers are no different as I explain in my short video here.
Do not, I repeat, do not, settle with your career.
Feeing disconnected 5 days’ a week is a BIG DEAL and will affect your mental health and wider life whether your love life, relationships with your children, wellbeing or otherwise.
If you think you’re lost, confused, stuck – you’re not nearly as lost as you think, trust me. I see these feelings ALL THE TIME with clients who invariably become unstuck within just 1-3 sessions. Confusion, apathy and frustration may alarm you but they excite me (!) because they are merely signs of unmet needs and when you work out what you need to be happy, the rest is easy.
Don’t believe me?
One creative career coaching client thought she was totally lost job wise and was sliding into depression when we first connected. She was also worried her career joylessness was endangering her relationship. By session 2, she was a different person – with a 360 energy / clarity turnaround once she got clear on her values. She wasn’t remotely crazy or even that lost once she had the space to explore what was really going on – she was just in the wrong role in a misaligned work environment.
She now has her dream job for a leading fashion house in Amsterdam and feels truly seen, heard and fulfilled.
If that resonates, hit me up for a free discovery call and feel the anxiety reduce and hope spike!
As an ex-lawyer turned career and life coach who works with smart, successful people in high-stress jobs, my superpower is helping ‘confused’ clients get unstuck fast and reconnect with careers that make them truly happy, fulfilled and excited to get up in the morning.
Remember: “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs
“He has, quite simply, been my strength and stay all these years, and I, and his whole family, and this and many other countries, over him a debt greater than he would ever claim, or we shall ever know”
Queen Elizabeth
In many ways, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip were an unlikely pair. They first met at Britannia Royal Naval College in 1939, where an 18-year-old cadet Philip was introduced to a 13-year-old Princess Elizabeth of England while she was touring the grounds. From then, it’s said, the young royal never thought of anybody else.
The two began to exchange letters throughout the war years. While Elizabeth’s character is captured by typically British epithets like ‘understated’, dignified’ and ‘stoic’, in many ways Prince Philip was anything but. ‘It’s a vast waste of space’, Philip said, entertaining guests in 2000 at the reception of a new £18m British Embassy in Berlin, which the Queen had just opened.
Known as the King of the faux pas, Philip was a cheeky chappy ready to inject mischief into any exchange, no matter how risqué. But though they were superficially as different as night and day, this was a love affair to end all love affairs. As different as they were similar, this is what made them so perfect for each other — he was the yin to her yang — what one had, the other didn’t — and vice versa. Where she was measured and impartial, he was expressive and provocative. Where she was understatedly British, he was more European in his heart-lead, impassioned self-expression that caught people off guard, disarming formality with wit and fun.
It’s impossible to celebrate the Queen without recognizing the powerful union that underpinned her magnificent sovereignty — and the enormously significant role she felt her right hand man played during her remarkable 70 year reign.
For brilliantly handsome and silly as he was, his charisma and quips belied incisive wit and integrity, just as Queen Elizabeth’s stability and impartiality belied her intelligence and power.
This was a one of a kind power couple, with Queen Elizabeth’s right hand man being far more than a devastatingly handsome seaman who swept her off her feet. Despite being the consummate man’s man, Philip gave up a prestigious career in the Royal Navy to assume the role of Queen’s Consort, subjugating himself to support her reign over 32 sovereign states during her reign of 70 years and 214 days, the longest of any British monarch and the longest recorded of any female head of state in history.
He was a man of serious honour, parking his ego in the way that only true men can, to support his remarkable other half to carry out a life of duty of service.
And though this may seem more of a tribute to Phillip than Queen Elizabeth herself, I’m not sure she would have wanted it any other way.
This was a man who cherished his Queen so deeply that he movingly orchestrated his own funeral to end with the National Anthem ‘God Save the Queen’, rendered all the more poignant as she sat alone in her pew in the midst of the pandemic, with only a black mask for company.
So while the Queen’s passing has been immeasurably sad for the British people, it’s also been a moment of great poignancy and comfort for the romantics amongst us: a moment which we are told brought her much comfort — when she would be reunited with the man she described on their golden wedding anniversary in 1997 as: ‘My strength and stay all these years’.
So as we mourn the loss of the inimitable, one of a kind figurehead that was Queen Elizabeth, let us celebrate one of her most longed for, treasured moments: the reconciliation with the man she counted as so critical to her happiness and success as a monarch.
For as Marianne Williamson reminds us in her powerful memoir, A Return To Love, those of us who find divine love are truly blessed, for it is the highest form of love that transcends all others and raises us up to everything we can be:
“The love that asks no question, the love that stands the test, That lays upon the altar the dearest and the best; The love that never falters, the love that pays the price, The love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice.”
“People are put into our paths according to who we can learn the most from at any given time. Like a giant universal computer, higher forces know exactly what combination of energies, in exactly what context, would do the most to further us” ~ Marianne Williamson ~
I recently finished a powerful book I’d begun reading at the end of a four-year relationship.
Among other things, Marianne Williamson’s bestseller, A Return To Love, shares potent insights into the three types of romantic love:
1. Love born of ego;
2. Love that helps you grow; and
3. Divine love.
She explained that while the third is the one that helps you reach your highest potential, the second, the transformational kind of love, can feel like the most powerful of all three.
You’ll find the below pearls of wisdom helpful if:
a. You’re newly single and wanting to expedite the healing process;
b. You’ve been unattached for a while and are feeling flat about the coming year; or
c. You’re in a relationship you’re not sure about and are struggling to get clarity.
“I would argue that the best option is a happy partnership, but the next best option is happy singledom. I’ve known many friends and clients who are much happier now that they’re not in their relationship. Of course, there are single people who are unhappy without a companion, but from what I’ve seen, the unhappiest option is an unhappy marriage, because you don’t just have yourself to cope with”.
Susan Quilliam, Relationship Psychologist
If you’ve ever yearned after:
1. The happy ever after; 2. A Facebook fairytale to rival the weekly weddings clogging up your newsfeed; or 3. Wondered whether love really can last forever
this article is a must-read.
“If you have 30 more years after retirement, why stick with the same old same old when you might find someone better?”
Embracing love in all its complexities, Moya Sarner’s analysis is realistic, surprising, romantic and unromantic all at once, reminding us that marriage is anything but something to be pressured into.
So if you’re feeling rushed by the tick tocking of the clock or anything else for that matter, check out the tale of the 77 year old who found a relationship to rival her daughter’s – or the 60 year old man who found wedded bliss second time round – far deeper than number 1.
“Generally, if someone’s advice isn’t coming from personal experience, I’m not that interested. Which is why, back when I was 24 and getting married, I paid full attention when a friend’s parent who had been married for 30 years offered some marriage advice.
Nine years later, the advice he gave me has not only saved my marriage several times, but has inadvertently become some of the best business advice I’ve ever received as well”.
Elissa Bertot
The Secret Pearl
Click here to find out what the best piece of advice Elissa was given before she got married.
I would have been appalled 10 years ago – not now!
I guarantee one thing – it won’t be what you think…
