A recent life coaching client and I discussed how to deal with toxic people who push boundaries, manipulate, gaslight and try to get a rise out of you.
We deduced that our responses should take a different form with toxic people..
Watch the short video from a heavenly buddhist monk here and see what you think…
Adult survivors of childhood abandonment and complex trauma abound in our society. Theirs is a sad reality shrouded in the darkness of shame that keeps their experience locked away only to be known by their volcanic overreactions or quiet avoidance that are triggered by present-day cues. They are our sisters, fathers, spouses, etc. They live fenced in by crippling fear and loss of identity stolen at such a young age. They’ve developed and matured as we all do, driven by survival and attachment, the same instincts they came into the world with, the same instincts that gave them a fighting chance at survival. However, the other component necessary for reaching potential, the social environment, was not favorable. It seemed as if this third ingredient almost wanted their destruction from the very beginning as if they were not meant to be alive in the first place. This environment, or soil, if you will, would go on to nurture beliefs deep in the psyche of the individual. These beliefs would become infused with the person’s sense of self, and so they would live out those beliefs as if they had to. They would live out those beliefs in ever reinforcing and destructive consequences. Those consequences reinforce a dark world view and a sense of self-value that is worthless. They live in a reality that holds no possibility for hope. Each day they walk past choice and opportunity only to choose what is familiar.
Read the rest of this superb article here. There’s a surprisingly positive twist!
Without clear ideas from adults, what we’re left with is basically trial and error, and if you’re like most people, it’s mostly error.
Enter: a string of toxic relationships as we fumble through an already complex dating world.
One of the problems is that a lot of toxic relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love—you know, that dizzying and irrational kind that somehow finds breaking china plates on the wall in a fit of tears somewhat endearing. And we scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities.
Men and women are encouraged to objectify each other and to objectify their romantic relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as achievements or prizes rather than someone to share mutual emotional support.
A lot of the self-help literature out there isn’t helpful either. And for most of us, mom and dad surely weren’t the best examples.
Read the rest of this excellent article on the 6 signs of a toxic relationship here.
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Remember, you don’t have to get it perfect, you just have to get it going.
Warmly,
Melanie
